


What was left behind

by CloudedWater



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-04-23 03:45:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudedWater/pseuds/CloudedWater
Summary: Carol realizes just what she left behind on earth.





	1. Heading home

“ _Where’s your head at?”_

               

                For the life of Carol, she didn’t understand how four simple words, one question could bring her safely back from the chaotic storm that was ever present in her mind. It brought a sense of clarity, relief and the permission her soul needed to stop its relentless war; if only for a moment. Though if she was honest with herself; it was never just the four words but rather who spoke them. She remembered hearing the phase during one of her sparring sessions with Yon-Rogg and immediately bristled. Despite not remembering her past she instinctively knew that those words didn’t belong to him; had no right to be uttered by him.  Her heart would not accept cheap imitations and so it battled on.

_“Control yourself.”_

               

                Emotion coursed through Carol’s veins just as the blood that kept her alive did. It was a vital part of who she was and that couldn’t be changed. For all her life she’d been considered too emotional, headstrong, impulsive and maybe a little obsessive. Yet to outright suppress those things felt beyond wrong. She could certainly see the merit in being calmer but to be this cold calculating…machine? No, she couldn’t do that, wouldn’t do that. One uttering “Control yourself.” might have had the same sentiment coming from ignorant lips but truth be told it was far from it. Hearing “Where’s your head at” didn’t ask her to change, didn’t ask her to hide from what she was feeling. In fact, it told her to embrace it.  Control yourself on the other hand made her feel weighty, like putting on heavy armor that did far more harm than it ever did good.

 

                The powerful woman took a deep breath and slowly released it before pushing the button to expose herself to the unforgiving atmosphere of space. It of course was of no concern to her. She was one of if not the most powerful beings in the universe. However, tonight she didn’t feel that way. No, tonight she felt weak and powerless. With the airlock clear, she drifted away from the ship, not feeling the bravado that she normally did.  She just wanted to drift among the stars and the cascading nebulas.

 

She needed something to put her at ease or at least give her the space to process the last few days.

               

It had been three months since she left earth to right the wrongs both she and the Kree empire had committed against the skrulls.  Unbeknownst to her, they merely wanted a home to call their own and for years she had a helping hand in denying them that. She denied them the very thing that she wanted for herself.  For that she owed them a debt and an obligation to ensure they got what they deserved.

Yet that obligation came at a great personal loss.

 

                Just a month after leaving earth she found herself bombarded with memories. Why they didn’t make themselves known when on her home planet she didn’t know. Maybe she needed time to process everything or the more realistic answer; there was just so much going on at the time that she pushed it to the back of her mind.  She knew that she was teetering on the edge of getting her memories back or at least the very important ones. But she truly had no idea of what she had left behind on earth until she was dozens of light years away.

                And it haunted her nonstop.

                She flew past the sun of the foreign solar system and basked in its radiant rays. So few could ever hope to experience all she had but in the grand scheme of things she would have traded it all without a moment’s hesitation. Traded it for what so many seemed to take for granted.  

                She had a family waiting for her back home or at least she hoped that she did after realizing just what they were once to her.

                She stopped and levitated there just above the sun; feeling it’s gravitational pull but obviously unaffected by it.

                How egotistical could she had been to say or to even think that?  She felt she had no right to say that they were waiting for her.

                She was waiting for herself and hopefully the chance to get back what she lost.

 

                _“Honey, you’re more nervous than I am and I’m the one about to give birth!”_

_Maria laughed in spite of her pain riddled face. They had planned for this day months in advance but neither really had been ready. Certainly not Carol who would now in part be responsible for this new life. She had no plans on ever becoming a parent, especially considering the stellar job her own did but now despite her fear, she was fully committed. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for this kid and they weren’t even born yet. How could she be anything, but one hundred percent committed? This new person coming into the world was half of the woman she loved more than life itself._

_Loved more than flying and the freedom it brought._

_“I’m not brave like you are…. you’re amazing.” Carol squeezed Maria’s hand as she laid in the hospital bed preparing to give birth._

_It was nothing short of a revelation when Carol realized that her feelings went beyond best friend and were far from platonic. That’s why when Maria told her that she was pregnant; it crushed her. So much so that Maria had thought she hated her and her future child. That was never the case but in typical Carol fashion she didn’t know how to process the new information._

_Your best friend who you just realized that you had feelings for telling you she was pregnant would be a lot to process for anyone._

_Yet Maria, in all her patience and understanding welcomed the woman back with open arms._

_The reason was simple. She needed her best friend._

_The Grand Canyon of a gap between them merged back within mere days and the two settled into a routine. Carol relished in the memories of foot massages for Maria’s aching feet. Something she had to force the proud airman to let her do. She didn’t like the love of her life being in any pain, especially when she could put it at ease._

_The unexpectant pregnancy had brought the already close pair even closer. Both reaching an intimacy with the other that neither spoke of nor had to. Physicality had never been out of the equation since the start of their friendship but now touches spoke of deeper connections and pining; at least on Carol’s end. Maria often sought her out and Carol invited her to sit between her legs and rest against her while she laid on the couch. She operated under the pretense of doing it to give relief to Maria’s aching back. If that was all it was for then there had been no need for the loving caresses on her ever-expanding belly. Caresses that spoke of love, dedication and commitment._

_The first time she felt Monica kick, she knew she was a goner._

_Carol never planned on letting her feelings be known; she couldn’t jeopardize the relationship with her best friend, but sometimes fate had other plans._

_She could remember like it was yesterday. Monica had been running a fever for the past few days and Carol held her protectively over her shoulder through her fitful bouts of sleep. Maria had insisted on doing so but Carol wouldn’t have it. The most important people in her life needed rest. She would be fine. She paced back and forth across the room rubbing circles around baby Monica’s back. Despite her inability to talk back Carol talked to her._

_She didn’t know that she had an audience of one that watched in awe and wonder. An audience that wondered how they could be so lucky.  She knew how much Carol loved Monica; it showed in her every day actions, but to walk in on such a moment between the two…_

_Her line in the sand had been erased._

_She approached them quietly, making sure not to disturb Monica._

_“Hi” Maria’s heart pounded against her chest_

_“Hey, you” Carol whispered back with a smile_

_Maria looked out at the night sky and a sense of calm washed over her; she could do this, she trusted Carol to still love her even if she didn’t feel the same way.  Carol laid Monica back down and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead soon followed by a nuzzle._

_“Not even a year old and got me wrapped around your finger” the blond smiled._

_“I love you…”_

_Maria blurted it out before her nerves could get the better of her.  Carol turned and gave her trademark bravado._

_“Of course, you do, I’m awesome.” She laughed and turned back to Monica but when she didn’t hear the expected returned laughter she knew something was wrong. She turned back to look at her and found the woman she loved so much scared and vulnerable_

_“No,” she spoke again with renewed bravery._

_“I love you.”  The ebony skinned woman started to visibly shake, and her breathing came in shallow.  This had to be the most terrifying thing she had ever done in her life. Even more so than bringing Monica into the world._

_Carol’s eyes widened at the revelation and for a moment she thought she imagined the three words and their context but when she turned to look at her best friend; she knew her imagination had not ran away.  The moon’s light cascaded down on Maria just then, highlighting her soft supple skin. Carol didn’t believe in invisible entities or beings in the sky but something about that moment was nothing short of divine._

_“I love you too…”_

_She crossed the distance between the two of them and had Maria in her arms. Her strong protective arms that spoke volumes. Their foreheads came together, and Carol found herself lost in her eyes.  Her greatest prayer had finally been answered._

_Maria Rambeau loved her and that was all she needed._

Carol opened her eyes and no longer found the basking rays soothing. With an internal sigh she slowly flew back towards the ship. What greeted her on her way back in would not bring any peace to her already chaotic mind.  Talos stood there just beyond the entrance of the airlock with his arms crossed accompanied by a stern look on his face. The process of the alien going from enemy to close friend had been a jarring one, but it was a more than welcomed change.

He didn’t exactly look friendly no though.

“This is not where you belong.” Although he tried to keep his stern no nonsense composure it was quickly lost when he saw the solemn look on her face.

She knitted her eyes in confusion which prompted him to further explain.

“You need to go home, Carol.” already her patience was wearing, and she pushed past the alien but not without him being hot on heels.

“I don’t have a home.” She spoke with almost venom

“That is a complete lie and you know it. Your home is earth.” He paused gathering in his courage for what he was about to say next.

“You belong with Maria and your daughter”

Carol stopped dead in her tracks, eyes widening in surprise before composing herself.

“Talos, thin ice.” She warned and while he didn’t exactly understand the phase; he got its intent. He was treading in a metaphorical land mind. Even with their budding comradery, he knew to step wisely.

“I would have never allowed you to come on this mission if I had of know what you would be leaving behind.”

She stopped just as she reached the cockpit and her shoulders slumped in defeat.

“-I- didn’t even know what I was leaving behind, Talos.” For what had to be the umpteenth time, she felt robbed. Even with her unmatched powers, there was nothing she could do.

 She felt so helpless.

“You knew, Carol. You just didn’t know it on a conscious level. You never truly lost your memories, you merely buried them” he sat in the co pilot seat and gestured her to do the same. She did but stayed quiet.

“It all makes sense now that I think about it.” He continued onward.

“The longing looks that she sent you that spoke of more than just relief at seeing her best friend. The very woman she thought dead now alive before her after six long years. Perhaps I knew too but was far too wrapped up in my own agenda. Besides it wasn’t my place to meddle in such affairs.”

“It…doesn’t matter, I’m…not…I have a job to do.” She took in a deep breath and stuck out her chest. If nothing else could save her then surely her stubborn pride would.

 She would keep her promise to protect the skrulls and find them a new home. It was the right thing to do. Talos being the perceptive creature he was saw right through her façade.

“I think during these few months together we have become…friends?” Carol nodded in affirmation.

“And friends are stern with one another when need be.” She waited for him to continue. He reached over and with his index finger tapped the side of her temple.

“your head is here, but your heart is not. It is back on earth with Maria and Monica. Just as you should be.”

“Talos I…”

“Allow me to be pragmatic then. You are putting my people in danger with your unresolved feelings and I won’t have it.”

Carol opened her mouth but Talos wouldn’t stand for it.

“We haven’t been attacked nor encountered any hostile threat in weeks.” The planet they orbited around was an unknown one and gave the race a haven for a short time.

“We can defend ourselves for a bit should the need arise until you return.”

An argument rose on her lips and once again Talos pushed it down fiercely. Carol had sacrificed so much for him and his family that it only made sense for him to do the same in return

“We survived this long without you, we can go a few weeks.”

She licked her suddenly dry lips and nodded her head. Her decision had been made.

“If something happens while I..”

she didn’t like the idea of leaving Talos and his family possibly vulnerable, but she also didn’t like pushing aside her own world, making people who loved her wait.

Duty was the death of love or, so she had thought.

“We will contact you if we need you. Now go to them.” He smiled and grabbed her shoulder while getting up. Without warning she followed suit pulled him into a tight hug.

“Thank you Talos” She loosened her grip and back peddled towards the airlock. Her heart slowly but surely coming alive in her chest. It beat with purpose and clarity; the first she’d had in months.

 

She was going home.


	2. Learning what home is

Normally only advanced space traveling ships were capable of making the jump between warp points, shortening the seemingly endless distance between planets, stars and galaxies.  Humans had yet to master this technology but luckily for Carol, she didn’t need it. However, even with the advances of various alien races made over the years, It still took nearly a week before she reached the Milky Way. a week of neck breaking speeds, pushing her body further and harder. Testing the limits of her new-found power. She blazed past Saturn, nimbly dodging chunks of ice floating in its seven rings as she admired the view below. Her eyes widened as another memory was triggered and one that was a bit dead on the nose considering her current location. She had been peppered with memories all during her journey towards earth but this one was of utmost importance. She stopped dead in her tracks and let a large chuck of ice harmlessly crash into her.

 

_“Marry me.”_

 

_Carol stared straight ahead as she sat beside Maria who had Monica up in her arms. The nights were no longer cool and far more suitable for a toddler. A rapidly growing toddler she had mentally added after making the suggestion to Maria.  Truthfully, she had wanted to share her love of the stars and all of the possibilities it held with the little girl. Their little girl. It didn’t matter that she didn’t share the same dna she was hers in every sense of the world. Absentee father be damned._

 

_“Huh?” Maria had heard her as clear as day but couldn’t believe her own ears.  Of course, she had day dreamed about the idea in her head; countless time actually. Sadly, however such an endeavor would be impossible. She looked at Carol longingly while Monica squirmed under the uncomfortable silence._

 

_“I already know what you’re thinking, and I don’t need a damn piece of paper to tell the world that I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”  Carol reached into her pocked and pulled out a velvet black box. She opened it to reveal a two stoned diamond ring.  She’d spent weeks agonizing over what to get until she realized that it was only fair to incorporate Monica into it somehow._

 

_“Two diamonds, one for both of the ladies in my world that I can’t do without.” Carol got up from the swing set and kneeled before Maria who was still speechless._

 

_“Say you’ll marry me, Maria.”  Monica looked on with big eyes full of wonder while her mother grasped at words._

 

_“Say you’ll one day be Maria Danvers.” It was at that she smiled and raised her eyebrow playfully._

 

_“Why not Carol Rambeau?” she couldn’t keep the smile from her face if she wanted to._

 

_“I..” Carol tilted her head, not realizing how she fell into such gender stereotypes._

 

_“Yes, I will marry you woman.” Maria decided to take pity on the blond before smiling wide and laughing loudly. The infectious behavior soon affecting Monica and she joined in._

 

_Carol shook her head in disbelief._

 

_“O…OH! I see how it is now! Come here you!” she pushed forward and kissed Maria with everything she had. In that moment she wanted to show; not tell the woman just how much she meant to her._

 

_She pulled back and then grinned mischievously at Monica._

 

_“Oh I didn’t forget you either!” she pushed forward again and blew raspberries on the little girl’s cheek who giggled and hollered in a joyous delight._

 

_Both women gazed at the other and Carol let go a happy sigh of relief. She reached into the box and pulled out the ring sliding it onto Maria’s left ring finger._

 

_“Do I get to put one on your left hand?”_

_“You better!” she warned playfully._

Back on earth before gaining back her memories, she remembered Maria wearing a ring around her neck, tucked just beneath her shirt.

She still wore the ring.

 

Even after six long years which had to be full of loneliness and heartache, Maria still felt something for her. If not, then why would she still be wearing the ring after all this time?  Carol grinned widely at the revelation and with every ounce of strength she had in her body, she hurtled out of Saturn’s orbit. Leaving a trail of shattered ice in her wake

If there was air in space the entire universe would have heard her yell in happiness.

 

A loud snap cracked through the air as Carol made her final approach to earth. She willed herself to slow down, not wanting to create another “blockbuster” incident. Of course, there were no buildings to worry about here. Just lush plain fields full of crickets chirping in chorus under the moonlit sky.  She didn’t plan on getting back to earth at such a late hour, but it was rather harder to calculate time zones when millions of miles away.  It couldn’t have been too late as lights still glowed in the window frames.

 

                She gently touched down and extinguished her flame letting her face be framed by her golden blonde hair once more. She landed around a football field away, not wanting to disturb the occupants of the house in such a manner. She took a deep breath and slowly made her way towards the small Louisiana home. Anticipation and nervousness gathered in her chest threatening to consume her completely the closer she got.  

 

What would she say?

 

Her normal bravado hardly seemed appropriate nor could she summon it to begin with. Her family deserved her at her most vulnerable. Because that’s exactly what she was at the moment; vulnerable. She stopped and rung her hands together just as she reached the front steps, but her nervousness was replaced by concern when she heard warring voices inside. One belonging to the love of her life and the other while sounding familiar she had no clue of.

 

“Frank, for the last time I am not interested in playing house with you. I moved on years ago.” Maria spoke in an exasperated tone.

 

Carol tilted her head and then pulled back her lips in a growl. Rage and jealousy surged in her chest just at hearing the name.  She repeated it until it finally clicked; no wonder she had found herself growling. Her mind may have forgotten but her subconscious hadn’t.

Frank, Monica’s father and once lover to Maria.  She had been an absolute mess when she found out that Maria and Frank were dating. Spending many a night looking for comfort at the bottom of a bottle; it didn’t help.  Carol remembered her resolve and made it a point to try and put her feelings aside. It wasn’t fair to Maria to lose her best friend simply because she made the mistake of falling in love with her. But even with unrequited feelings, Carol knew she couldn’t walk away. She’d gotten way too attached to Maria and would have her anyway she could.  The mechanic was a blessing no matter the nature of their relationship.

 Hearing footsteps coming towards the entrance, Carol quickly retreated into the shadows on the porch.   

 

Maria opened the door politely gesturing for Frank to leave which he did, but the brown skinned man stood his ground just outside the screen door.

 

“Give me another chance, Maria! I was young and stupid. I shouldn’t have run away from you or Monica. Forgive me.”

 

Maria shook her head.

 

“I forgave you a long time ago but that doesn’t mean I still want you. I have moved on.” She made sure to punctuate each word and apparently that had proved to be the final straw for Frank who let his anger start to boil over.

 

“Monica needs a father in her life!” he pushed towards Maria in a threatening manner

 

“Don’t try and use my daughter to get to me!”

 

“ENOUGH!” a third voice rung out from the shadows scaring both Maria and Frank beyond their wits. Carol emerged from the darkness, her alien fire engulfing her entire body and barely contained anger.  She stalked towards Frank like a panther on the prowl, daring him to make any sudden movements.

 

“Monica doesn’t need you! If she did then why weren’t you there when she was born!? Where were you when she was running fevers?! Where were you on her first day of school!” With each question she got closer and closer to Frank until she was standing toe to toe with him.  Despite her smaller stature, Frank had never felt so small.  Maria could only watch on in shock.

 

“LEAVE! NOW!” To show that she was no idle threat she lit both of her hands on fire and relished in the satisfaction of him stumbling away in fear.

 

He ran to his old pick up truck without a word and hauled off down the dirt road, leaving nothing but dust in his wake.

 

Carol looked on until his break lights dimmed out of view. Her anger and power dissipating with the potential threat out of the picture.

 

“C…Carol?” an unsure voice sounded off behind her.  The blonde turned and raised her hand to the back of her head in a nervous gesture.

 

“Shit. That…was not how I was planning on making my…” She couldn’t finish her sentence as strong arms wrapped her up in a fierce embrace.

 

“You’re back…” she spoke as if the entire world had finally been lifted off her shoulders.

 

“No, I’m home.” Carol nuzzled into the crook of Maria’s neck. There was no place she would have rather been. Breathing in her scent was beyond intoxicating and made the tension in her body ease until there was none left.

 

Maria finally let go and pulled the powerful woman into her home with gusto. Gusto that Carol easily matched. 

Everything was as she remembered but it was far beyond the mere three months that had passed.  Carol had so much to take in and she did so greedily. Small memories making themselves known when she laid her eyes on various objects in the house. 

 

Like the old tricycle tucked away in the corner. A tricycle she distinctly remembered getting fussed at about after getting it in the first place.  Something about Monica being too young for such a thing.  She couldn’t wait for her to ride it

Carol never had been known for her patience and her impulses were legendary.

 

 

Both of the women sat down on the couch and Maria continued to stare at her as if she would disappear. Her eyes so full of love and relief that Carol felt almost worshiped. If anyone deserved worship, it was her. Raising a little girl all alone while morning the disappearance of her lover and still pursuing her dreams. It should have been Carol on her knees and worshiping her life the sun.

 She didn’t understand how she had missed such an obvious longing before.

 

Fumbling for words she laughed nervously

 

“So…where’s Monica?” Carol half expected lieutenant trouble to come running down the stairs and truthfully was a bit disappointed that she hadn’t.

 

“She’s upstairs asleep, it’s a school night for her.” Maria yawned.

 

“Sounds like someone else should be asleep.” Carol leaned back into the couch and laughed. Even if her heart was about to beat out of her chest.

 

“I’ll live. I can lose a few hours of sleep for you.” Maria wouldn’t admit that she didn’t want to go to sleep in fear that she would wake up with Carol still gone and Frank still harassing her to be with him.

 

Carol thoughts went elsewhere at the response; a less than honorable place. It had been easy to ignore such base urges when fighting for the kree when fighting for the skrulls or surging through space but now in this tranquil moment her body longed to express what words couldn’t. 

 

She longed to feel Maria against her again. Longed to let her name fall from her lips in worship.

 

Carol’s eyes grew heavy just thinking about it.

 

“Earth to Carol.” She was brought out of her trance by Maria snapping her fingers in front of her face.

 

“Ah sorry…kinda lost my train of thought there.” She quickly said while stomping down such inappropriate thoughts. 

 

“So, the Skrulls are safe?”

 

“For now they are. They are safely hidden on a backwater planet and I made Talos swear to call me the moment they needed me.

 

“Oh…” Maria sounded disappointed.

 

Carol found herself at a metaphorical cliff, getting ready to dive off the edge and into the unknown.  She paused and took in a deep breath. She hadn’t planned on revealing just how much she remembered so soon but something told her that Maria needed this and she never could deny the love her life anything. Yet she wondered if she should, wondered if she even had the right to. She pushed forward anyway.

 

“I have been remembering a lot of things while I have been away.”

 

“Oh? Such as?” Maria asked curiously.

 

This was it; this was what she had been building up to while soaring through space on her way home.  She didn’t say anything else but instead reached forward and pulled out the ring that Maria wore around her neck underneath her shirt.

 

“I remember agonizing over this. Wondering how to show you that I wanted to make a commitment to you and Monica. To the two ladies of my life that I couldn’t….. can’t do without.”

 

“Carol…”

 

“Please let me finish.  I get why you didn’t say anything about us. At first it frustrated the hell out of me but now it made me love you even more.  You have always put others before yourself, even complete strangers. I shouldn’t have expected any less of you.

 

Carol reached forward again and gently cupped Maria’s face. The ebony skinned woman leaned into the touch.

 

“You have to know that I didn’t leave you by choice.  I longed for you every day. I just didn’t know it.” Carol pleaded as tears formed

“I…”

She was cut off again but instead of arms wrapping around her frame a pair of lips found her own.  Maria poured everything she had into the kiss. Six years of grieving, anger, longing and all of the emotions in her reserved only for the powerful woman broke through like a dam giving way to a flood.

 

Burning lungs made the two reluctantly pull away from the other but Maria made up for it with kisses on both of her cheeks, her forehead and her lips once again.  With eyes full blown Maria stood up with Carol’s hands in her own and pulled her gently but firmly.  She followed without a word, her body careening into a fevered pitch at what she knew was coming.

 

 

Maria had every intention on showing her just what “coming home” meant.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be smut in the next chapter. I can't help it! smut with high octane emotion just does something to me. If you're a prude...this is your only warning. You guys are amazing <3 the kudos, comments and bookmarks have been wonderful!


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